A Trip To The Guitar Store
Going to the music store is a wonderful experience, who doesn’t want to be in a large sonorous room with off tempo beats and out of tune guitars competing for the attentions of reluctant audience members customers?
The typical trip begins with a greeting by a long haired employee who looks happy to be there and is totally fine with his life choices despite what his parents say. Followed by a short detour to the amplifier section, there you’ll find the latest line 6 amplifier just begging to be dialed up to the “insane” setting.
After playing a long medley of Metallica riffs peppered with various tapping licks, rickety sweep arpeggios and out of tune bends with the treble on 12,
the now inspired six stringer goes on to look at guitars he can not afford only to be intercepted by the “can I help you guy”, “nah I’m just looking” is the readily available answer.
Before long a couple hours have passed, and you have tasted the sweet Martin and Taylor tones of the acoustic section, played the intro to “Whipeout” on the drums, used the bathroom to evacuate your bowels only to finally approach the counter and ask the “Guitar Retail Specialist” if there are any Ernie Ball Slinky’s or Dunlop Jazz III’s on sale.
After a quick palaver with said employee, you’ll be questioning yourself whether you’re being punk’d.”Do you want an extended warranty on your strings”? No, no I don’t.
After your journey is complete, you can walk to your car knowing that your guitar is going to sound bitching once you place those Ernie Ball Slinky pinks on it! Once you get home you begin the ritual; you grab your preferred ax, string winder and other string changing paraphernalia, you cut off the strings one by one, not caring what that nerd on Facebook said about it ruining your truss rod. After about 5 minutes, a close call with your eyeball almost being poked out, and a couple needle sticks on your fingertips from the strings, you finally tune that bad boy up and re-tune it, then tune some more to where you are almost in tune. You bend that high E string at the fifteenth fret and POP!
Featured in this article are videos from Jared Dines, Ryan “Fluff” Bruce and Tyler “Music is Win” Larson check them out, they are great guitarists, musicians and funny as hell.